I've come to the conclusion that I am in the learning phase. What is stillness? How have I needed it but not been given it as I've aged? Perhaps unknowingly, we alter our level of stillness based on other people's energies that surround us. Particularly, in family dynamics, there are energy hierarchies.
You have the loudest child, displaying the most outward signs of energy.
The quiet child, not displaying nearly as much energy, outwardly at least.
The parents, - one may be absent. One may live in such a state of constant anxiety, that it feels like there is no oxygen left in the room when they are present. They don't even notice this.
Hypothetically, how does this quiet child evolve into adulthood to know stillness? Peace.
She does not.
She gets to a certain point in her life knowing this fact.
Knowing that it is now that she must learn the power of that stillness.
She has brought people into her life to stimulate the same energy hierarchy that she has known most of her life. There is comfort in the familiar.
But a deeper part of her, inside of her womb, knows that she needs to become familiar with stillness, which she has rarely felt, but always craved.
This stillness will save her. She will continue to learn and grow, and evolve in the peace and quiet. With as much oxygen as she needs to breathe, she will be allowed to bring in any level of energy that she would like to bring here. She is allowed to speak up, to move freely.
Her wish is a journey of balance, but she knows that she needs this peace and stillness in her environment. The quiet child in the corner can find stillness in adulthood, and it may start to feel familiar too.