12/12/24
Then there came the moment she learned,
she had been abandoning herself all along.
The retch came from within her muscles, her stomach and her pelvis.
The tears were hot and deep
She knew this came from long ago.
When she was young.
Hiding from her brother.
Alone in her room.
Curled up in the corner.
She wasn’t sure who would come for her.
A female police officer finally did.
And she felt a bit safer again.
She’s been attempting to fix others her whole life
But today she felt deep inside of her soul
That she can’t any longer.
There is too much pain out there to be quelled.
And.
She is such a remarkable person.
A deeply beautiful, courageous, smart human.
Who deserves to focus on quelling her own pains
With others helping her too
She deserved the warmth and protection she was not given
as a child in a chaotic home
She was deserving of the loving space that was never given
Always taken up by him.
So she has held her value in helping others
Fixing their problems.
That was her role all along.
Isn’t that love? Isn’t that how I am supposed to earn love?
Until she learned it doesn’t always have to be.
Maybe things could be different
Space could be held for her
So she learns that space can also be held for others
Not to fix anything
Maybe that’s not what is needed
Maybe just space
Compassion
Listening